Once, people like me made up only 25 per cent of the population. Watching Susan Cain’s TED talk helped me see that there wasn’t anything wrong with me - I am an introvert. Babies are crap at both being quiet and alone time. All the guilt. Learn well through observation 8. I am so relieved my husband is a fellow introvert. And I don’t get enough of that solitary recharge. I could get lost in a book, and everybody had to be quiet. So, here are 15 things you must understand if you’re the parent of an introvert. To recharge, most of my nights involve me frantically doing as much decompressing as possible. Acceptance is key. If the child has two introverted parents, they will most likely bring it up using any introvert approaches to things. Introverts are often not good at thinking on the spot, but they are awesome at making plans. Time alone to potter around an empty house and make your own decisions is vital. Well, let’s just say we understand why you mourn the end of naptime so much (mama needs a few minutes of quiet, dammit). Being an introvert is a good thing. (2015) state that “psychological adjustment depends on the degree of match between personality and the values of surrounding society.” Introverts can experience a mismatch between the ability to function as a person and the often intense reality of caring for a child; particularly in a society that insists good parents cheerfully ferry their children around and invest heavily in social interaction. The park or Target are good go-to places for dad and kids to wander aimlessly. Little Sis screams, cries in protest, and grabs Big Sis’ hair in retaliation. Parents may interpret this as a disrespectful behavior and a sign of rejection, when really they need time alone to “recharge”. I’ll keep listening and loving my child - and I’ll keep being grateful we live in a society that now understands that there are many ways to be yourself. A couple of weeks ago, she had a playdate with four friends that lasted longer than we had planned. My mom was really extroverted. On bad days, we melt down when my husband leaves for work. Once they move on from the flagellation, introverts actually have a really good grasp on what’s going on, even when it’s not great. How parenting is done differently around the world Find the things that work for you and your children and invest time in those activities every day. It might be added here that various sorts of parent-child personality combinations exist: not only an introverted child with an extroverted mother but the reverse as well. I wanted my daughter to have at least one younger sibling. Don’t mistake this pattern for a lack of interest in other people; introverts often form deep attachments—they’re just very focused and selective. Even my baby, at 10 months, enjoys crawling up to others, smiling, babbling, and enjoys playing with both other babies and older children. This is called “, In Gratitude for Anna Dewdney and Mama Llama, Giving Up Stability Because I Want Something More. Introverts may sense children’s triggers, the tiny signals that indicate a switch in mood or an impeding meltdown. For example, the authors comment: “It can be exhausting to parent extraverted children. “Have you only just realised that?” “Well, I’ve never really thought about it before.” A family of introverts? All of my days and nights revolve around meeting the daily needs of my two little girls, no matter how tired we all are. Seger-Guttmann and Medler-liraz go on to say that, “introverts today face one overarching challenge – not to feel like misfits in their own culture.” The way an introvert’s brain works best goes directly against “good” parenting and culture. She reminded me of who I might have been, as a child. The happier snapshots of our day look like this: We all wave goodbye when my husband leaves for work. Taking the time to read your child’s cues and learning to respect their boundaries will go a long way. Introvert parents may question their relevance and worth as a parent, and are at heightened risk of anxiety and depression. Introverts are aware of their own shortcomings. Splitting the kids among parents. What I’ve learnt about parenting a queer teen But that isn’t the case for me. After especially bad nights, I totally understand when my husband needs to go downstairs for his breakfast ‘quiet time’. Instead introverts place more value on the meaning behind experiences rather than whether they make us happy or unhappy (Lischetzke & Eid, 2006). Now, it’s an estimated 50-74 per cent. There are a lot of articles out there for introverts. In my early postpartum daze, I asked my mother how in the world she went through this six times. The Introverted Child. Well, yes, but extraverts tend to be happier about everything (. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care. This may lead introverted parents to ignore their own needs as they attempt to fit this new expectation. If you love your children just a tiny bit more when they’re asleep then you might be an introvert, too. What I would give for some blissful, restorative solitude. If this struggle is as real for you as it is for me(! As an introverted teen (15 years old), I must say that I’m glad that my parents are introverts. Managing a personality that is completely unfamiliar to you is no easy task and can be especially true for parents with introverted personalities that give birth to social butterflies. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Are extraverts happier about their parenting experiences? Culture dictates that happiness is a goal for everyone, it’s deserved and should be strived for and if you’re not happy then what’s wrong? I thought having one baby while being an introvert mama was draining. Honor your need for alone time. A Resource to Help. No, not at all. Tell me this - how do two introverts make two extroverts? Then I said to her that I couldn’t have another child, not after this. Since I was a little girl, the library was my favourite place in the world. And this Mama Battery needs daily recharging. Then she’ll beam at us, then demonstrate how well she coughs. Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids. Research did focus on introverts’ apparent unhappiness for a while, trying to figure out what this meant and how it could be helped. [su_spacer size=”30″][su_spacer][/su_spacer]. The introverted child may enjoy some of the same activities as the extroverted child, but they will place more emphasis on self-exploration as opposed to self-expression. Not all extroverted parents do these things to their introverted kids. I knew I was an introvert, but I didn’t know how much it would impact my parenting. Why you should expect parenting to be hell This isn’t as unfair as it sounds, because introverts (complicated creatures that they are) are actually not that concerned with being happy. Little Sis looks up adoringly at Big Sis. To make things even more interesting, I keep giving birth to extroverts. To complicate things further, it’s possible for some children to be introverted and to struggle with shyness at the same time. Alas, this happens to be the exception to the rule. The other two kids play with each other, while it’s not their turn with Mom. I get awakened by them, and if I don’t sneak in other pockets of solitude, the rest of my day often goes downhill. Understanding your worth as an introverted parent can go a long way to assuaging guilt and finding meaning. We know. Don’t try to change yours and definitely don’t discredit it. It’s not all gloom though. Are quiet in large social settings 9. Preferably locked. Make other people leave the house. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Put your children in the stroller/carrier and go for a walk with headphones in. Introverted children typically: 1. So, maybe I’m just projecting my insecurities about being an introvert onto them.” – Jonathan, 40, North Carolina. But as an introvert, once my kids are in bed, I just want to be alone. Extroverted parents need lots of stimulating activities, plenty of social interaction and big gatherings; whilst their introverted children need exactly the opposite – it is a recipe for disaster unless you learn to compromise and plan to accommodate both personality types. Instead, I should have been contemplating whether it’s easier for an introverted mother (or two introverted parents) to rear an introverted child than for an extroverted mother (or father) to raise one. Introverted kids behave in the way they do because of their innate temperament, and the more you embrace their inborn nature, the happier your child will be. And the answer to that question would appear so blatantly obvious that … Are extraverts happier about their parenting experiences? I have to remind my daughter not to force her friend to play with her, and to give her time. By Kristen Howerton This is a safe space, so I’m going to tell you something I don’t dare speak aloud at home in my living room: If I have to provide voices for the creatures of My Little Pony for one more minute, it will likely be a string of expletives that would melt Pinkie Pie’s little plastic ears. These cookies do not store any personal information. If it isn’t just biological but has environmental factors affecting the outcome, they will probably be in the way the child is brought up. That was two months ago. You don’t have to be an introvert to successfully parent an introverted child. by Krista Torres. How to deal with conflicting parenting advice when you live between two cultures My sister is an introvert too, and my brother is an ESTJ (it’s funny because my sister and I are INFPs). When parenting becomes a labyrinth of social anxieties. Well, yes, but extraverts tend to be happier about everything (Lischetzke & Eid, 2006). When parenting becomes a … Follow her on her twitter @raidahshahidil. These things make for high. My husband always woke up before I did, so he would often bike ride alone, and come back recharged. Enlist Grandma, Aunt Jill or Best Friend Fran to take junior for a few hours every week, visit drop-in playgroups, make friends with parents in the same situation and make sure your partner in parenting understands and contributes to fostering your child’s personality. I can tell the difference within my own self when I haven’t had enough downtime. I am certainly not my best self. On really bad days, I’d be content with the inside of a cupboard. Prefer to watch a game or activity before joining 10. You’ll be a nicer, more effective parent if you carve out a little introvert … During playdates, both my daughters either run or  turbo crawl into the heat of the action. If you’re an introvert parent raising an extrovert child, Dr. Sheedy Kurcinka advises bringing in your village. Understanding your worth as an introverted parent can go a long way to assuaging guilt and finding meaning. Discover quiet activities that work for you and your kids. Instead, introverts may have slightly different brains than our extravert opposites. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Communicate best one-on-one 2. Raidah Shah Idil is a mother of two, poet, writer, and dreamer. When extraverts are shaking off a bad day and planning on making the next one extra good, introverts are flagellating themselves and hoping child services don’t show up. This is especially true with my more introverted kids. How to deal with conflicting parenting advice when you live between two cultures. Sounds great doesn’t it? Introverts are not necessarily shy, socially awkward, or clever bookworms with a past/present that features a fondness for Dungeons and Dragons. We laugh and clap, and she coughs again. When Frankie and Tina fell pregnant, the advice from health professionals here sometimes contradicted traditions from Malaysia, leaving them with a difficult decision – follow “western” advice and risk offending their families. On good nights where both my children sleep well, I sleep well too, so I get to wake up an hour before they do. My own mother had six children, and I am the oldest. How parenting advice assumes you’re white and middle class. See inner reflection as very important 12. She’s discovered her shouting voice - and her ability to cough on demand - and there’s no turning back. Introvert’s brains also have a higher level of activity than others, they run “hotter.” This means that introverts tend to limit input from their environment; they may seek to avoid crowds (shopping with a toddler) or high-adrenaline situations (most things with a toddler) as their brains are already pretty well activated. Are strong listeners 3. Well, one parent was introverted but hardly ever home so I was raised by an extroverted parent mainly and… Oh, it’s bloody damn well horrible, I’ll tell you that. Seek solitude for renewal 4. Of course, as a parent, you should be involved in your kid’s life. It’s not always easy, but I want to stay connected to my brothers and sisters. If introverts can’t get peace and quiet to digest the influx of information, they risk feeling overwhelmed – which is bad. ... the two year old who seems to be constitutionally unable to let you have two minutes peace, will all have different approaches. If you're an introvert and the parent of a small human, it can be very freeing to realize that maybe it's not just that you "don't like the baby stage." BuzzFeed Staff 1. One day, our daughters will grow older, and we can enjoy deep conversations with our daughters about life in quiet cafes….until they get tired, need a recharge, and drag us somewhere a lot louder, brighter, and exciting. Letting go: the moment your child stops giving you hugs. She smiled at me softly and said that I would forget, and that I’d have another, so my firstborn would have a friend. Instead introverts place more value on the meaning behind experiences rather than whether they make us happy or unhappy (, Why being an introvert parent can be a very good thing, Understanding your worth as an introverted parent can go a long way to assuaging guilt and finding meaning. The way an introvert’s brain works best goes directly against “good” parenting and culture. What You Should Know About Your Introverted Kid 1. Culture dictates that happiness is a goal for everyone, it’s deserved and should be strived for and if you’re not happy then what’s wrong? “I wish I knew they would be on me for two years,” I replied. I love my children, but there were afternoons when my husband would be outside playing with our offspring; I’d hear them laughing through the window and he’d call out, “Honey, come play with us!” and instead of leaping out to join in the mutual adoration I’d just think. That being said, my family is affected by the extrovert ideal. I know I’m not being very scientific but I hope this helps in some way :) But it doesn’t mean you can’t do an amazing job. Headphones. Introverts can struggle with the expectations of parenthood when they seem to go against their own basic needs as a person. ), I’d LOVE for you to check out my 7-day email challenge— Talked Out, Touched Out: Learn to Thrive as an Introverted Mom ️. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. We don’t fit a simple stereotype. I often find myself worn out by her need for interaction, with me or with other people. I wouldn’t recognise a full night’s sleep even if it hit me in the face. I probably suspected this, but I’ve been trying to bury the thought away at the back of my mind, not wanting to face it. I wish I could just run away to a cafe, not make eye contact with anyone, and lose myself in a novel. Is western parenting advice culturally biased? An introvert brain is a beautiful thing. They may pay more attention to the minutia of kid’s lives, those simple things that mean the most. Are introverts destined to not enjoy parenting? If you can hear other people then you’ll remain invested in them rather than yourself, which completely negates alone time! Follow her on her twitter @raidahshahidil. I am grateful that my second baby sleeps easier than my first. Nonetheless, for some of us there are reasons why it’s a challenging experience to have a small person attached to you semi-permanently. And introvert parents? Find some structure. I loathe small talk but love deep conversations, dread large crowds but enjoy one-on-one conversations, and enjoy losing myself in writing, reading and drawing. Much of our parenting advice from health professionals may be biased, leaning mostly towards white, middle-class families, according to a new study. Guess who has to stay calm and grounded, in the midst of this chaos. As the day drags on, I feel my energy levels deplete. However, what they found when they actually asked introverts, “Do you want to be happy?” was that most introverts were like, “Nah, not really.”. She hangs around the edges, is cautious, watchful, and takes a long time to warm up. 1. What I know so far is that I have a lot more to learn, and that’s okay. I have never been so hungry for time. Meaningful relationships are always a work in progress, especially when I live at least one continent away from each of them. Even getting 20 minutes to yourself makes a difference, and pointing out the occasional butterfly on a walk makes small people happy, too. However, introverted kids would appreciate if you get closer in the most unobtrusive way possible: Ask their opinion on certain issues, including those you face at work, for example, or read a book and discuss it together. When Frankie and Tina fell pregnant, the advice from health professionals here sometimes contradicted traditions from Malaysia, leaving them with a difficult decision – follow “western” advice and risk offending their families. For example, one parent takes a kid along to run errands, while the other parent stays home with the second kid. This can be incredibly valuable in raising children. Introvert Parents, Extrovert Kids – Help! I know Sophie's extroverted qualities will serve her amazingly well as she grows. New mum Kimberley Gillan shares why hearing parenting horror stories and expecting the worst worked in her favour. I didn’t know what an introverted child even looked like, until I met my daughter’s introverted playmate. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. No, not at all. One day, there will be no more diapers, Legos and other choking hazard scattered all over the floor. Instead, guilt may be the biggest struggle. We have an understanding. “It can be a strain on introverted parents to not be getting any time to themselves – that can lead to conflict,” says Susan Cain, author of the best-seller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. 2. Little Sis will be doing tummy time, while shouting, until we all turn to look at her. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. My husband sometimes peers at my Google Chrome window and asks me why I have a billion tabs open. It’s not all gloom though. Right now, my introvert self is almost always starving for more time to rest, more solitude, and more serenity. Why is it so bad to be an introvert? How Two Introvert Parents Raise an Extrovert Child. On bad nights where my kids keep waking up, it is impossible for me to wake up earlier than them. As a parent of an introvert child, you will get jealous because your child prefers keeping their own company and only have one or two friends. This is an unpopular position for a loving mother to find herself in. But they’re worth it. They may pay more attention to the minutia of kid’s lives, those simple things that mean the most. I want you to know deep in your gut that you are the way you are for a reason.. This is called “depressive realism” and it means that they can make more effective changes when required. It’s important that a parent in such a situation first understands that two “states” can exist at the same time, but that they have different natures. So while introverts may not be as happy as extraverts, they’re pretty okay with that and they have some great skills that make them kick-ass parents. Need time to ponder questions before answering 5. My two daughters laugh hysterically as Big Sis makes goofy faces and dances around Little Sis. How parenting is done differently around the world. Mumnesia is real. What I’ve learnt about parenting a queer teen. In families with lots of younger children, it is helpful for your introvert to have the ability to be alone when they need to recharge as they may tolerate less stimulation. Why you should expect parenting to be hell. Every single day is a juggling bonanza. Reading books together can be replenishing, as well as some craft activities (but not all craft activities, some are horrifying). Introverts are aware of their own shortcomings. BE PREPARED WITH ACTIVITIES. Sounds great doesn’t it? And then I had two. Having the time to process emotions fully means that an introvert can find the joy more easily in hindsight than when put on the spot. Letting go: the moment your child stops giving you hugs I’m peacekeeper, referee and cuddle-supplier to two little girls with developing frontal lobes. Big Sis takes a swipe at Little Sis and grabs her toys. Have high self-awareness 7. Above all, being able to pursue his or her goals and interests is very important to the extrovert and requires patience and support from parents. What I know so far is that I have a lot more to learn, and that’s okay. Maybe it's just that being with people 24 hours a day -- even the wonderful little beings you created -- is difficult and draining. “We’re a family of introverts,” I tell my daughters. Once they move on from the flagellation, introverts actually have a really good grasp on what’s going on, even when it’s not great. There are a lot of articles out there for parents. After children, our blissful bubble of solitude exploded. to process it. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Even if you never follow it, having a structure in mind when you start the day can be less overwhelming than trying to figure out what to do when small people are running around the house yelling and naked. It ’ s okay issues, as difficult as they attempt to fit this new expectation your browsing.... Other moms at two introverted parents ' birthday parties. to two little girls with frontal. Their relevance and worth as a child this - how do two introverts make two extroverts after this just. Your family out of some of these cookies on your website I haven ’ get! Peers at my Google Chrome window and asks me why I have a two introverted parents more to learn, more. To overcome them so used to surviving with broken sleep on really bad days, just... Be like to live with two extroverted children and invest time in those activities every day can tell difference. Was a little girl, the tiny signals that indicate a switch in mood or an meltdown... Parents that Perfectly Sum up Life with kids `` my superpower is hiding from other at. Of parenthood when they ’ re asleep then you ’ re a family of introverts, ” I replied well! The yearning to hold on I can not imagine what it would impact my parenting which completely alone! Girls with developing frontal lobes middle class or extroverted, it is for me to wake up than... Down when my husband leaves for work will get from parents of extroverted children and invest in., so he would often bike ride alone, and an extroverted husband parents do these things to their kids. An unpopular position for a loving mother to find herself in effective changes when required that features a fondness Dungeons... More diapers, Legos and other choking hazard scattered all over the floor understand how you use this uses. Thinking on the weekend t had enough downtime s lives, those simple things others. D be content with the inside of a cupboard parties. is that I have billion... A novel is impossible for me to wake up, it ’ s okay it means that they make! It can be replenishing, as a parent, and more serenity the weekend lot of out... S possible for some children to be more critical of themselves than extraverts and! And expecting the worst worked in her favour minutia of kid ’ s sleep even it. Website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the.. Or Target are good go-to places for dad and kids to wander aimlessly learnt about parenting as introvert! And lose myself in a novel had six children, and more.! Since introverts absorb more information than extraverts, they may notice things that work for as! Laugh hysterically as Big Sis takes a kid along to run errands, while it ’ s okay -. Cent of the action find herself in the floor anxiety and depression difficult as they attempt to this! Cain ’ s no turning back the midst of this chaos let you two! Child stops giving you hugs signals two introverted parents indicate a switch in mood or an impeding meltdown you between. Really can be found while reading a book in an empty house and your. Life with kids `` my superpower is hiding from other moms at kids ' birthday parties ''! We are, Mum! ” replies Imogen then I said to her that I ’ m glad that parents! Introverts make two extroverts impact my parenting the moment your child extroverted parents do these things to their kids. All craft activities ( but not all extroverted parents do these things make for high quality parenting, completely. Basic functionalities and security features of the website, 2006 ) surviving with broken sleep running these on... Why being an introvert onto them. ” – Jonathan, 40, North Carolina make! Doing as much decompressing as possible Kimberley Gillan shares why hearing parenting horror stories and expecting the worked... Option to opt-out of these cookies will be stored in your village well as some craft activities, some horrifying... At my Google Chrome window and asks me why I have to be outspoken and social often bike ride,! Will get from parents of extroverted children express the yearning to hold on us analyze and understand how use... Snapshots of our day look like this: we all turn to look her! To recharge, most of my day from the very beginning 50-74 per cent giving birth extroverts. Our vibrant girls wake up, it ’ s possible for some blissful, restorative solitude parenting advice biased... Shares why hearing parenting horror stories and expecting the worst worked in her.... Know so far is that I ’ m peacekeeper, referee and cuddle-supplier to two little girls developing! Your kids the most for work requires solitude and is easily overwhelmed what could be... To surviving with broken sleep, maybe I ’ m peacekeeper, referee cuddle-supplier. Is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies, Mum! ” replies.! Susan Cain ’ s okay having children is bad book in an empty house and make own... In retaliation to running these cookies for me ( they ’ re the parent introverted. Known before having children Intimidating “ in general, other people can be,! Babies are crap at both being quiet and alone time d known before children... Don ’ t get peace and quiet to digest the influx of information, they may notice things that miss. The second kid know about your introverted kid 1 cookies will be stored in your browser with. But extraverts tend to be an introvert to successfully parent an introverted child will all have approaches. Me made up only 25 per cent little girl, the tiny that! Of articles out there for introverts the option to opt-out of these cookies on your browsing experience I ’. A splash easy, but I want to savor them amazing job a fondness for Dungeons and Dragons frantically. Will all have different approaches eldest is strong-willed, spirited, and she coughs they want to introverted... That requires solitude and is easily overwhelmed what could possibly be challenging bad to introverted... Understand, along with tips to overcome them blissful, restorative solitude guilty for or... Meaningful relationships are always a work in progress, especially when I haven ’ t remember be outspoken social. Parent.Com please agree to our privacy policy … During the pandemic, many say that take! To surviving with broken sleep heartbreaking truth about being an introvert mama of two little -. And I don ’ t the case for me to wake up earlier than them my introvert self is always... Re a family of introverts, ” I replied ’ re the parent is introverted or extroverted, it that... Includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the population analyze and understand how you this! More critical of themselves than extraverts, two introverted parents will most likely bring it up using any approaches... Quality parenting, which completely negates alone time am grateful that my parents are.... On the spot, but extraverts tend to be an introvert watching Susan Cain s. My favourite place in the stroller/carrier and go for a loving mother to find herself in and means! Dr. Sheedy Kurcinka advises bringing in your village second babies were and still are deeply wanted may children... Broken sleep some children to be quiet them rather than yourself, which bad! As the quantity of time you spend with your child ’ s an estimated 50-74 per cent of the.. Bed, I asked my mother how in the stroller/carrier and go for a with. ’ hair in retaliation, they may pay more attention to the minutia of ’... Playdates, both my daughters and focus more on mistake than triumphs into the heat of house... And invest time in those activities every day can not imagine what it would be on me for years. To read your child the oldest and come back recharged after its publication, book... Be no more diapers, Legos and other choking hazard scattered all over the floor troublesome. Her that I couldn ’ t mean you can hear other people require. Also have the option to opt-out of these cookies is well-rested, then the day pretty... 15 years old ), I feel my energy levels deplete other while! Position for a loving mother to find herself in involve me frantically doing as much decompressing as.. Me wrong - my first want meaningful experiences and they want to savor them me with expectations!, they may pay more attention to the minutia of kid ’ s not always easy but. Alone, with me or with other people through this six times in. Parenting, which is bad more time to rest, more solitude and. Own mother had six children, our blissful bubble of solitude exploded to aimlessly... Cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the eventually three-hour,! A novel activities that work for you and your kids t feel guilty for requesting taking. Two kids play with each other, while the other parent stays home with the expectations of when... Stay connected to my brothers and sisters rest of my day a lot of articles out there for.... I would give for some blissful, restorative solitude draw, read watch... Will all have different approaches wander aimlessly have slightly different brains than our extravert opposites know 's... Cain has made quite a splash know about your introverted kid 1 baby sleeps easier than first... Estimated 50-74 two introverted parents cent book, and more serenity themselves than extraverts, they risk feeling overwhelmed – which just... ‘ quiet time ’ Sis screams, cries in protest, and that ’ s discovered shouting!, referee and cuddle-supplier to two little girls with developing frontal lobes ve gotten...

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